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Sex and Sexuality
Responsibilities
With sex comes responsibility — like it or not. Whether sexual activity occurs on a one-time basis or in a long-term relationship, the stakes are always high. Before you are faced with making a sexual decision with your partner, honestly consider all of the sexual scenarios and repercussions you may be faced with.
Before you consumate your relationship be sure you consider the following:
Consent
It's important that you are sure that the person you're with is happy and comfortable because non-consensual sexual activity (anything from touching and kissing to penetration) is against the law.
The only way to know for sure if someone has given consent is if they tell you. It's not always easy to let people know that you are not happy about something. Sometimes the person you're with might look like they're happy doing something but on the inside they're not. They might not know what to say or how to tell you that they are uncomfortable. One of the best ways to determine if someone is uncomfortable with any situation, especially with a sexual one, is to simply ask.
Here are some examples of the questions you might ask:
- Is there anything that you don't want to do?
- Are you happy with this?
- Are you comfortable?
- Do you want to stop?
- Do you want to go further?
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The Right to Stop During Sex
It is not uncommon for one partner to want to stop having sex during the first time, perhaps from pain, nerves, or insecurity. If you or your partner needs to stop, you have the right to do so even if you are in the middle of having sex. You both need to be prepared ahead of time. Discuss it, and discuss not blaming each other or feeling guilty if one of you wants to stop. Watch for your partner's body language during sex. If your partner looks uncomfortable, ask about it.
Below are some things you can say or do if you want to stop:
- No
- Say 'I want to stop"
- Say 'I need to go to the toilet'
- In a situation where the other person isn't listening to you and you feel unsafe, you could pretend you are going to vomit (it's amazing how quickly someone moves away from you if they think you are going to be sick)
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Legal Age
The legal age at which you can decide to have sex, called the age of consent, is different depending on where you live. In the USA, the age of consent depends on the state you live in AND the type of sex you are wanting to have. For instance, some states have different age of consents for heterosexuals than they do for homosexuals.
Even if you are at the age of consent for where you live, the age of your partner can also effect the legality of the act.
If you are at the age of consent but your partner is OVER the age of majority, even if you yell yes at the top of your lungs and bring the condom, your partner could be guilty of Statutory Rape. If you are at the age of consent, but not at the age of majority, and you have sex with somebody under the age of consent, you too could be guilty of Statutory Rape.
REMEMBER:
If you are not yet at the age of consent for where you live you can not legally consent to having sex, be it with somebody older or somebody your own age.
If you still have questions regarding the legal age of consention be sure to check with your state to see what the legal age is where you live.
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* Consent Campaign for www.consent.unh.edu
Guidelines for Sex Partners
- Have each other’s consent.
- Never use pressure to get consent.
- Be honest with each other.
- Treat each other as equals.
- Be attentive to each other's pleasure.
- Protect each other against physical and emotional harm.
- Guard against unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection.
- Be clear with each other about what you want to do and don't want to do.
- Respect each other’s limits.
- Accept responsibility for your actions.
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* Florida Consent Campaign
Legal Acts
In the USA, some states outlaw certain sex acts that may be legal in the state next door. The most common "illegal" sex act is sodomy (anal sex). In some parts of the USA, this act is not legal no matter how old you are.
Check with your state to see what acts may be illegal where you live.
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